Save Detroit Automakers

bike-pavementWho would have thought GM and Chrysler would file bankruptcy? Probably not their employees. Here are some ideas to avoid that happening again. Detroit automakers dug their own grave with planned obsolescence. This led to the growth in Japanese automakers—even the South Korean car manufacturers, who sold cars that were built better, and would last longer. Detroit has been catching up ever since. Detroit has even outsourced production to Mexico, which has further ruined Oldsmobile’s hometown. While Chrysler has teamed up with Fiat, which led to a partnership with a manufacturer that produces Ferraris and Maseratis, not to mention Alfa Romeos, this is exciting, but my goal is to resurrect USA auto making and Detroit itself.

Surely, a made in Detroit badge is worth something to people who believe in the land of the free and the home of the brave.

So, here’s my simple plan, Chrysler, Ford and Chevy: don’t throw it all away.

Thunderbird was a great brand. Make 4X4 Thunderbirds with a circular side window. It will work.

All brands should have a 4X4. Take it from a guy from upstate NY. Rear wheel drive is for Florida and LA. You are risking a night in a ditch going on a ski trip without AWD or a 4X4.

Okay, we have a new 4X4 hybrid Thunderbird–what else do we need?
How about an Imperial?
Chrysler, no wonder you went broke.

Those 300s? Who cares? I need a hybrid 4X4 Imperial. You had a good idea with the AWD 200, but you should have called it a Sebring. That was a good model. I had one. It ran good.

The Barracuda, of course. The Road Runner—certainly. A hybrid 4X4 Road Runner. It’s a must.

Ford—make another Cougar with sequential taillights, please.

I had a Cougar. I did a 360 and a rollover going 74 in one. I’m still here.

Here’s a hint. Don’t use cruise control in the snow.

Anyway, back to the basics—saving Detroit.

First, no more low-income housing. Just pay folks $15 an hour, until even that’s too low.

What the heck is going on with Caddy’s?
US automakers copycatted Japan with front wheel drive, but pretending you are making a Mercedes by numbering your cars? You know what? Your days are numbered. That’s crap. Germany doesn’t know how to name cars. Who the heck would name a car Golf if they really knew how to speak English?

Copying German car manufacturers is a mistake. While failing to remodel a car can improve its resale value, as Berlin has found, and to some extent, automakers in Korea and Tokyo, this does nothing the restore sales of new cars. Remodeling doesn’t have to go hand in hand with planned obsolescence. If anything, creative, new improvements help the bottom line, in my opinion. There are still fashionable folks with big, big bucks who want the latest thing. I say, tap into their egotism and narcissism.
Back to numbers. Mazda numbers its cars too. I have no real idea what a Mazda 5 is, or a Mazda 3, except the 3 is smaller, I guess.

Everybody knows what a Mustang is.

Lincoln is making the same mistake Cadillac is, in numbering its vehicles. It’s got to stop. Just adding letters doesn’t help. An MKX? What is that, a license plate? Okay, I remember the Mark V. That was cool.

The only decent car that Cadillac has now is the Escalade, because we at least know its name.

Ford names its cars well, maybe the best. And, it does nice colors.

That’s another fairly cheap way to build a better car. Color them something other than black or white. There are many cool shades of green and turquoise. Even butterscotch. Plus, sparkles. I like those. Light colors are safer.

And hood ornaments. Don’t get me started. Hey, they could be lowered into the front when you shut off the vehicle.

Every decent high priced car should have a goldish silver hood ornament displaying a flying hot babe with wings. That’s my thinking. Come on—no wonder you’re losing market share. You’re not even trying.

Maserati has got a nice spear-type thing in its grill. I like it. What red-blooded guy doesn’t like grills and spears? Guys usually pick out the cars. You know that, don’t you?

To summarize: Chrysler (yeah, sorry, I can’t really call you that big mouthful, Fiat Chrysler), bring back the Imperial. Caddy, Lincoln—ditch the numbers. Name your whips, and remodel each year.

Chevy, you need a grill ornament. GM–feel free to superimpose an M over a G. And go ahead. Buy the MG trademark. Come on–be creative. Risk being called wild and crazy.

Always, always do the AWD, or 4X4 thing. Plus, you know why SUV station wagon-like vehicles sell? They have really nice rear windshield wipers to get rid of all that snow. I’ve got a cool thing to do when some evil maniac is tailgating you. Turn on the front and rear sprinklers. Look in the rear view mirror going 65. You’ll notice those lunatics get sprayed really well. They have to turn their own wipers on.

Up here in the frozen tundra, we’ve learned our lesson. We’re not buying the rear wheel drive cars—even front wheel drive isn’t getting us up the driveway or out from that parking space when the snowplow plows us in. We’ve got places to go and people to see.



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