New Golf Rules–Please!

Is there any way we need snooty, boring, Masters-like, old fart, boring, snobby losers from St. Andrews running us into the ground every time we tee it up?

I don’t think so.

We’re out there buying the clubs, way too many golf balls and firing them into the woods to trip up squirrels and chipmunks.

I got news for you St. Andrews—there is such a thing called deer ticks.

We’re not going into the woods anymore. We can live with a bit of poison ivy, but the deer tick thing? No thanks. It should be red stakes at all times.

We don’t have spotters, or guys running around with flags on poles to find our golf balls like the pros do. There’s no way they’d play on courses we are subjected to.

We’d even like red stakes for the out of bounds. The out of bounds stuff is crap anyway. Too many clubs use them to keep golfers out of swimming pools and off the tennis courts. We know it is illegal to have an out of bounds inside golf course property, why don’t they?

We’re playing for money here. We don’t need arguments when we’re lining up three footers. Even thirty or fifty footers. We can do that.

Just cut the crap with the out of bounds and deep woods. I’ll even go with red stakes around evergreens when the lunatic greens keepers can’t pay old guzzlers to cut limbs underneath. I’m sick of those knarly lies underneath evergreens just because some municipal golf course doesn’t want to pay guys to trim under trees.

I get it. Just change the rules, so if you can’t see it, it’s red stakes. I’m so sick of reading about how you’re not supposed to take more than 12 minutes to play a hole I could hurl chunks. It’s not the golfer’s fault most of the time. It’s the golf course’s fault it takes so long


Why do they have to insult us like that?

It’s bad enough these idiot sadists have to put sand traps in front of the green and in the fairway, as if the course isn’t hard enough already.

That pisses me off.

The sadists.

Not everybody is a pro golfer who has nothing better to do than practice eight hours a day. We are lucky if we practice eight hours a year.

Vegas Showgirl--Then and Now
Vegas Showgirl–Then and Now

While I’m thinking about being pissed off, let me tell you how open-minded I am.

I like seeing nice looking girls on the golf course, and, and, it definitely should be illegal not to have a ladies room half way each nine. The clubs should be sued for discrimination on that. I see it way too often that golf courses don’t have rest rooms. Come on. Stop the stone-age stuff. How much is a portable potty thing anyway? It’s hard enough getting my daughter to play. I understand she is reluctant. It’s not right. Young women need to feel welcomed, not discouraged.



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